A behind-the-scenes look into my concepts for the images I am creating in the studio for this round of work that is part of “I see you, therefore you are’ self-portraits. For me, this is super-organised as things normally just exist in my head. I can’t draw to save my life - but thankfully these are just for me to remember when creating the images for these concepts.
Exploring this side of my personality and the fine line between being a generous giver and a people pleaser.
Composite resulting in multiple arms (Shiva-like) giving away artefacts that are symbols: book. shell, mug, flower etc
Boiler suit for outfit, servicing others, giver
Neutral black canvas backdrop
Struggles of me as an introvert in an extroverted male world reminding of my old corporate days. Being out of your comfort zone all the time is not always a good thing.
Visually it is almost like an iceberg analogy (we never see what’s under the surface)
The top is me in a (forced?) position of confidence, in a public speaking instance, in the limelight, use suit that I used to wear at work
The bottom is introverted me, drained by the effort of operating in an extroverted world, nude outfit, vulnerable pose, blocking the environment, eyes, ears
Exploring the childless state, in a ‘maternity’-like pose and aesthetic, floaty fabric, beautiful soft light a contrasting message
Reflecting on the conscious or sub-conscious societal bias towards motherhood as ancestral purpose of women and the sociological / identity / moral dilemmas of childless women
Colour red for blood, expression not sad but reflective, solidarity with childless women, by choice, fate, loss
Reflecting on the (not always that) subtle but ever-increasing negative influence of media-driven cocktail of bad news, advertisement. Thinking of Black Mirror… and my story of getting detached from mainstream media to reduce the permanent state of anxiety.
Floor is a sea of newspapers and background a collage of internet / TV screen bad news / adverts
Me on the floor purging the excess of information. The other ‘me’ rescuing, pulling the plug (Matrix?!)
How do we see ourselves and why do we put ourselves down, women especially? Narcissus is a story of self-love but often our reflection is a story of low confidence.
The real image is of ‘beautiful’ me and the reflection (using a mirror for water symbolism) an ‘ugly’ distortion.
A story of leaving the corporate world, golden cage, breaking the chain of expected career success, freedom to pursue artistic endeavours
Composite with my suited self inside the cage, rescued by my artistic self, fairy-like symbols in colour and outfit
… as a gift, the younger angst of ageing is resolved by identifying with the good traits of my mother more and more as I grow older and her loss means that I cannot benefit from her earthly presence anymore.
Two portraits, mine and hers, composited into one, me at my current age and her on her last birthday, a clock dial overexposed… how to make it not look sinister and how to symbolise the gift rather than the angst??
My British self and my Latin self coexist in a composite image, how do we interact with each other? Is it acceptance, reluctance, amusement, judgement? The feeling is one of unavoidable coexistence but how do we relate to each other and does that correspond to what I think my adoptive country sees?
Use of clothing to provide almost stereotypical but not caricature symbols of the two cultures, tweed jacket and riding boots, hair tied back, elegant but understated vs Latin ‘loud’ not afraid to show her sexuality, symbolic of dance, carnival for exuberant vibe, heels, possibly reminiscent of younger self vs older and more reserved?
The concept explores the identity difficulty a woman goes through in changing her name as a result of marriage, and the expectation that divorce simply means the reversal to ‘maiden’ name. But I am not the same person as I was and aren’t surnames just indicating ‘belonging’, to a clan, a family, rather than personal identity?
Reflecting on the duality existing in the human being, a take on the Platonic opposites argument, one cannot exist without the other, good and bad, happy and depressed, sacred and profane, the zip (closed) indicates the indivisible nature of our duality
An acceptance that beauty is ephemeral (the skull) but at the same time a statement that nobody should tell us what to pursue in life and what not (the fashion pose, and skull is nicely carved to be made more beautiful)… It’s an act of recognition and defiance alike.
As I grow older I recognise that I am often my worst critic and I very rarely stop to acknowledge my achievements, instead I see the negative in the past and focus on what more I can do in the future… It speaks to a personality trait, my upbringing, the society push.
My two selves, the giver and the vulnerable, will meet in this image and celebrate, bringing the focus onto self-recognition and care.
A composite of 5 images of me symbolising the 5 stages of grief - shot with natural light and long exposure to allow motion blur and suggest the state of mind while grieving. The poses are almost like a dance and a continuum as dealing with grief is not a finite linear process. Outfit to wear the same as my ‘vulnerable’ self, nude dress.
